MEME: Advice Column

[citycouncil]

Time for a meme!

Clearly, sometimes what we need most is advice from a stranger. Tag in anonymously with letters seeking advice about anything at all, in the vein of columns such as Dear Abby. Relationships, careers, friendship, sex, what to have for dinner tonight, how to get a blood stain out of silk, or whatever strikes your pup's fancy from the mundane to the complex. Others will then respond accordingly, anonymously or not. You can post as many letters or responses as you'd like but just remember to keep it all IC.

Alternately, structure these posts the way you might see in a subreddit like r/AITA or r/relationships rather than a letter to an advice column!

Anonymous comments are turned on, but please feel free to use citysecrets to your advantage. Login information can be found here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Darrow,

Say you're into someone, but you aren't sure if they're into you. How would you go about finding that out without looking like a total weirdo?

Sincerely,
Dying to Know

[afeastofthirst]

Do you have friends who could do a little casual digging for you? Or with whom you could stage an elaborate skit to make this person jealous?

[napalm_era]

Not OP but this is terrible advice.

You just go up to the person and tell them. 'Hey, I like you. Do you like me?' Not that hard.

If they do, you're set. If they don't, now you know and you can pivot.

Don't. Do. Not. Have your friends do any digging or try to make that person jealous because if they're a good person, they won't be jealous at all and also there's a chance they'll assume your friends are the ones with the feelings.

[citysecrets]

Okay, so this all happened about a year ago, but I've been thinking about it again, and I know I'm TA, which is why I'm not posting over there. I think I'm just looking for some advice.

I (220ishM) have this brother (220ishM). He's always been kind of a standoffish dick. Don't get me wrong, I love him. It's just that he's kept the whole family at a distance since we were kids. One day we were close, the next day we weren't, it was all very Frozen. His ass does not want to build a snowman, I've asked. I tried for ages to figure out what happened. I was pretty sure something had to be up for him to just shut down like that, but whatever it was, he wouldn't budge, so I let it go.

Cut to the 1960s, my family has some bad run-ins with werewolves — and here's part of where I'm TA — we all kinda start shit-talking werewolves for the next few decades. Yeah, I know, uncalled for. It's not like all werewolves were behind it, but I also have some other history with those guys that just complicates things. Then we ended up in a lowkey high school rivalry with a werewolf sports team, so it amped up a little. I think that part would have been okay, just like normal sports ribbing, right? Except then it turns out my brother is half-werewolf. None of us saw that coming.

I should have apologized for all the shit I said. I know that. Instead I said a lot of mean, petty things, like asking for him to let me ride him in his wolf form and telling him wolves don't have any useful abilities. I really regret the way I behaved. I just didn't know how to make sense of my feelings and it came out in the worst way, especially after I saw him cozying up with one of those rival wolves (30ish?M). How do I make it up to my brother? But also how do I deal with all my own mixed up feelings about the situation?

[mightymouse06]

wait oh my god is this the same anon who randomly asked me one time if it's okay to be into your brother if you're not actually related??? ARE YOU BACK

[citysecrets]

wow who would

I would never

WHY DO YOU REMEMBER THAT

[napalm_era]

You could start with saying 'I said a lot of mean, petty things and I really regret the way I behaved, I just didn't know how to make sense of my feelings and it came out in the worst way.'

But, like, to him.

[citysecrets]

Mm, no, no, that can't be right.

Look, we didn't talk about it for almost two centuries. I can't just say things.

[citysecrets]

Dear Darrow,

How do you get over someone you were never really with? The chemistry was there, both of us wanted it, but fate intervened. I lost him before anything could actually happen between us. Now I'm just left wondering what might have been. How do I move on?

Yours,
Plagued by Demons

[napalm_era]

You just... try to put him from your mind. 'What ifs' and 'what could bes' are just gonna drag the hurt out longer.

... For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Rumi. I... actually might kinda think maybe you were almost right about him.

[perfectallkill]

Thanks, Mira. I... I'm sorry I didn't tell you more when it was happening. It was just wrapped up in everything, but... that's the thing, I guess. He made me feel — I don't know, not so wrong.

[astheocean]

Find someone else to hook up with!

AND, or instead, whatever, think about all the reasons why it totally wouldn't have worked. Make some up if you have to. Make a list of all of the worst things about him. Might at least help get you through the worst of it?

[citysecrets]

Oh, huh, well... I mean, he was way older than me. And really bad at communication. And he came off really, really arrogant at first, but he wasn't really, not underneath. He was... hurting. And he understood me, parts of me I didn't even like, and helped me learn how to like them —

This isn't working very well.

[citysecrets]

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but... here goes, I guess.

A few months back, my (21f) boyfriend (22m) got turned into a vampire. Which I'm fine with! It was a total crisis situation, and I'm so, so glad he's still here. He's amazing and I love him more than anything. I'm in this for good.

But adjusting is... hard. Harder than I thought it would be. He's nocturnal now, obviously, and I work during the day. I keep telling myself that I'll figure out how to navigate it all, but I haven't yet. Plus there's this part of me that keeps worrying that maybe I won't be enough now? He can do all this amazing stuff, and I'm still just... me.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this before? Any relationship advice for just an ordinary human dating a vampire?

[selkiesaoirse]

One of my best friends is married to a vampire, so probably it's not all bad! Especially if you love each other, then there's sure to be a way that it'll work out. What if you did a job that was an afternoon or evening shift instead of a day shift? That way you could stay up later at night, have some time with him before you go to bed, and sleep in a bit during the day but still have some daytime for you before you go to work.

Also, is he the sort of vampire that's weak during the day no matter what, or is it only the sunlight that's bad? Because if you get big heavy curtains, you can close them up before the sunrises so he won't be at risk.

Also, don't worry about being 'an ordinary human' or not being 'enough.' Even with regular people, nobody can be everything for everybody. I learned that from doing my streams and challenges and stuff. Sometimes the best thing is to just find a balance.

I hope it works out for you, Anonymous!

[napalm_era]

Kill him.

In pretty much every myth and story about vampires, they're evil, right? And that's part of the stories for a reason: it's true. He's probably not even your boyfriend anymore. Do what's best for you and get the hell out of there.

[citysecrets]

Wow, racist much?

WIBTA if I tell my friend she needs to eat?

[citysecrets]

Okay, so, I (23f) live with a few people, including a really good friend (21f) and I'm noticing lately that she has some habits that are making me worry. We have a communal fridge, obviously, but I feel like lately the only things I see her take out of it are boxes of fruit and maybe some celery sticks. Just plain celery sticks, no ranch dressing or anything.

When we first met, we were both teenagers, so I assumed that any changes I noticed in her face and bone structure were just the result of becoming adults, but now I'm not so sure. She's also really tired all the time and I think she blacked out on a hot day once. And maybe this last part doesn't matter, but for what it's worth, I've always thought she was gorgeous, but I've never gotten the impression that she sees that in herself when she looks in the mirror.

What I'm saying is, I'm worried and I want to say something or get help, but I'm also worried she'll hate me if I do that. What if we aren't as close as I think we are and she won't think I have the right to say that? What if she won't believe me if I say something, even?

Help?

[napalm_era]

Bodies literally require calories to function, let alone to live. You showing your friend you care is sweet. It probably won't be easy. And, yeah, she might hate you for a little while: she might see it as infringing on her privacy or her rights or her intelligence. But eventually, if there is a real problem and your stepping in gets her the help she needs, then she'll thank you for it.

But doing nothing isn't going to help either of you.

(NTA. In case that wasn't clear.)

[citysecrets]

Okay, can I borrow what you said and tell that to her?

[fulcrum3]

[maybe an unlikely-seeming responder, but he's been there]

I don't know the answer but a thing that might be important: eating disorders may not be about beauty. They can be for a sense of control, of life, of the world, that seems to be out of control, or will go out of control if they let themselves be unrestricted.

Telling her she needs to eat won't work. People say that frequently. Reassuring you're always there to listen—might help.

[citysecrets]

Yeah, that's the hard part. I know that the human brain is, at best, an unwieldy labyrinth and I spend a lot of time trying to fight my own brain too. I'm not good at being gentle or subtle, because people are hard to read and that is the one area in which I am illiterate.

[astheocean]

Sooooo I think I know who this is — and if I'm right, hey, lady, love you — and who it's about. But even if I'm wrong, same advice applies, so here goes.

Like the other commenter said, it's true that she might hate you for it. (But if I'm right about who this is... I can't see her hating pretty much anyone, ever.) Sometimes that's the risk you've gotta take when you care more about someone's well-being than they care about their own. Like... Okay, not a total one to one comparison, but it kinda works, I think. So my ex was, is, an addict. This one time back home... I found out she was using again, and I told her mom. I knew she'd flip the fuck out at me. And she did flip the fuck out at me. I STILL think about some of the shit she said. But I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I'd just let her keep self-destructing or whatever. I hope that one day she'd be able to recognize that. I think your roomie will, too. It's not the sort of thing you'd be doing if it weren't out of love, you know?

[(Anonymous)]

I

No, I can't do this

[citysecrets]

Hey, don't leave me hanging here. We're all anonymous, you can say anything!