This sounds stupid, oh my god, but, um, when I read the back cover. And by the back cover, I mean of the hardback at the library where the back cover was just a quote: "I told her once I wasn't good at anything. She ran her thumb over my lips raw from kissing her and said survival was a talent."
And I read that and I knew I was fucked.
But I refused to give in. Then I read the first sentence. Shit. Then I finished the paragraph. Fuck no. I don't even know why. Something just clicked from the very first instant, before I even knew who he was. It was just an instinct. And I was like, nope, I don't need anyone new, I'm just reading this because of Andrew. But I kept catching myself picking usernames, and then I reread it immediately, which I never do, and it was like, oh, fuck, I may as well just give the fuck in.
I think the worst part is knowing I hold back too much. To some extent, I think being away from home is incredibly good for him, and so it makes sense to me that he would be a tiny bit more subdued than before, but I think I take it too far and I shy away too much from the violence and the imagination most of the time. I try to make up for it by keeping him an asshole, though. And since I love him so much, not getting him just right is galling. That, and his voice is so separate from everyone else's that it sometimes takes me longer to get through his tags or be in the right frame of mind to approach them.
But the best part is, when I am there, it happens so naturally. Tawni O'Dell's original prose lets me write some of my favorite narration I've ever done, hands down, and Harley's so unreliable and complex that it's a wonderful challenge to bring across who he is versus who he claims he is. And though this is much less applicable these days, thank fuck, he's always been a really, really cathartic outlet when I'm in a rage spiral. Actually, he's pretty cathartic for me in general.
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And I read that and I knew I was fucked.
But I refused to give in. Then I read the first sentence. Shit. Then I finished the paragraph. Fuck no. I don't even know why. Something just clicked from the very first instant, before I even knew who he was. It was just an instinct. And I was like, nope, I don't need anyone new, I'm just reading this because of Andrew. But I kept catching myself picking usernames, and then I reread it immediately, which I never do, and it was like, oh, fuck, I may as well just give the fuck in.
I think the worst part is knowing I hold back too much. To some extent, I think being away from home is incredibly good for him, and so it makes sense to me that he would be a tiny bit more subdued than before, but I think I take it too far and I shy away too much from the violence and the imagination most of the time. I try to make up for it by keeping him an asshole, though. And since I love him so much, not getting him just right is galling. That, and his voice is so separate from everyone else's that it sometimes takes me longer to get through his tags or be in the right frame of mind to approach them.
But the best part is, when I am there, it happens so naturally. Tawni O'Dell's original prose lets me write some of my favorite narration I've ever done, hands down, and Harley's so unreliable and complex that it's a wonderful challenge to bring across who he is versus who he claims he is. And though this is much less applicable these days, thank fuck, he's always been a really, really cathartic outlet when I'm in a rage spiral. Actually, he's pretty cathartic for me in general.