cityarcade | (no subject)

1. I've wanted you to think I was cool since we were kids and that hasn't changed. Even if you're kind of old and uncool, now.

2. ~~I'm really scared I'm going to screw this up.~~ I feel like a total pervert, but all I can think about is you, you know, naked.

3. Sometimes I miss you. I wish I didn't.

4. A part of me wishes you'd told me, but I think maybe things might've been different, if you had, and I like the way they are. I hope you do, too.

5. I know you wouldn't want me to, but I kind of want to punch him in the face, for how badly he's screwed things up. I just want you to be okay, and thinking about how you might NOT be is just... it really freaks me out. You deserve to be okay.

You think about me naked? I'm flattered, Eds.

You realize you're leaving the door wide open for me to point out that you've probably definitely thought about me naked, Richie.

[he manages to say this while only turning slightly pink, and not violently purple]

I’ll refrain from making the obvious joke.

Wide open? I don't know if I wanna bring Mrs. K. into this.

1. Sometimes I wish you'd just done it. I wish you'd gotten me, the way you wanted. Then I wouldn't have to keep wondering.

2. I know you're too good for me. Everyone's too good for me. But then, there are times where... where I feel like it's the other way around. Maybe I'm too good for you. Maybe I'll never know what it's supposed to feel like, to be happy with another person.

3. I miss you, more than anything. I wish I could promise I'd be a better friend to you, now, but I don't want to lie to you anymore.

4. I wish you'd stop treating me like a kid. It's nice and all, and I guess I should feel relieved that a guy like you wants to be my friend and doesn't want to fuck me, but sometimes I hate it.

5. I feel sorry for you.

Smooth change of subject, Rich.

1. I know it's fucking weird, but I kinda wish you'd keep the name. You wanted it, and it's something you've both got, together, and it just... I don't know, it seems like a waste, to give it up. I don't want what we had to be a fucking waste. I know that everything feels like a lie, now, but it wasn't. I know it doesn't make sense to say this, but it wasn't ever anything but real, to me.

2. It would be really, really fucking easy to give in and fuck around with you, under the guise of helping you out. But it'd be fucking selfish and stupid, and I want us to hold on to the friendship we've got.

3. I feel like we're drifting apart, and maybe it was inevitable, but it still fucking sucks.

4. Nobody's ever looked out for me the way you have. I'm fucking lucky that a one-night thing after too much shitty green beer turned out the way it did.

5. I've got like, five years worth of shit to say to you, stuff I was never really able to put into words, stuff we've tried to talk about but have never really managed to, that I don't even know where to start. Plus, I can't tell if you wanna hear it anymore, anyway.

1. I hope you weren't just like... taking pity on me or something, but I'm really excited anyway.

2. I'm scared I'm gonna fuck everything up like I did last time. I... I like you way too much for that.

3. I think you might be fucking my new roommate? Which is fine, but like, I really don't wanna see your dick in the kitchen before I leave for homeroom.

4. I want to hang out and do it again. I shouldn't, but it's the happiest I've been in a long time.

5. I don't think you'd be as nice to me if you knew.

BONUS 6. I wish you hadn't left me there. It's probably my fault that you left.

Edited 2020-09-13 00:05 (UTC)

1. I'd have gone whenever and wherever the hell you wanted.

2. I wish you could see her, man. She's so damn grown up. She's tough, but she's... she's got a good heart. I don't know how, growing up in the world she lives in, but she's kind, and smart as hell.

3. You're the most confusing damn person I ever met.

4. You're a good kid. Seems like maybe not enough people've told you that.

5. You ever show your face here, I'm not gonna be responsible for controlling my trigger finger.

1. I know there are others we would both rather have, but it is good to have you here.

2. I like to think you'd be proud of me. And that you'd like her.

3. I let you go.

4. I don't trust many people. I don't entirely trust you, but I do more than I trust most others.

5. You're a second chance I never imagined, one I know I don't deserve, but I'm not such an idiot as to mess that up.

1. Perhaps I'm not such a good Jedi after all. I would, without hesitation, kill you if you were to arrive here. I would not allow you to destroy his second chance and if that were to ruin the brotherhood he and I have, then so be it. You will not lay your hands upon him again.

2. Had you asked, my love.

3. I know you'll be angry if you ever find out, but you must understand, I am far more afraid than I've led you to believe. If you know what you became, will you walk that path once more? Will you think it inevitable? I just want you to take this chance at happiness.

4. You were my friend. I don't know how to reconcile that with what you've done, no matter the cause.

5. I miss you. You were so good for him, but you certainly kept me on my toes, too.

1. I've never had a roommate before. I hope I don't suck at it. Anyway, I think it'll be pretty cool.

2. I'm sorry if I'm bad at this, I'm just... well. I'm bad at it. At all of it. But I'm trying not to be.

3. You're kind of a weird guy, but I think I get you. I mean, I think we've got some stuff in common anyway.

4. I don't regret making that call. She needed someone to look out for her the way no one looked out for me and I've gone this long without you. It hurts, but it was worth it.

5. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. This place needs a baker.

I don't think that makes you a pervert. I think that's pretty normal.

I... I think about it all the time, too.

1. I didn't know it could be like this. Easy and scary all at once. I didn't know it was possible or that there could be anything easy in between all the scary bits. I love that it's both, though, and that it's with you. I also think about you naked all the time, too.

2. I never had a brother. Peter would say he was my brother, but now I know how wrong that was. You showed me what it was really like to have family.

3. I will always look out for you, but you look out for me, too. In different ways, but they're just as important and I'm really, really glad for your friendship.

4. I wish I could have kept you safe. I'm so sorry for what he did.

5. If you come here, I will kill you. You made me your villain, after all. I know who I am now and I am not afraid of you.

1. The things people have said... I don't know if I believe them. I don't know if I can believe them. Even now, I find myself wishing for your guidance; you're the only father I've ever had and I don't know what I'm meant to do.

2. I'm scared that I'll lose you. Now that we have a chance without all the war and politics, that you'll find this isn't what you want after all.

3. I wish I could tell you what's been happening. This place is not home, but I still feel unsure.

4. I can't wait to get to know you. You're already more than I ever hoped for.

5. I would do anything to keep you safe. If he saw something in you, then I can't see any other option but to trust that.

1. I hope you're happy here. Maybe I don't serve you here, so much as I did, but I'd still still fight to keep you safe and happy.

2. It's not like I wouldn't want it, wouldn't like it. I would. I do. But I think everything else we have is probably more important, right now, for both of us. I'll love you with or without it.

3. Thank you. Just, tank you. And please tell me if that thing starts following you.

4. I'm glad I'm getting to know you better.

5. I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing, but I really like you. I hope you see me the way I see you.

1. We were supposed to do all this stuff together. I'm glad you're happy but it fucking sucks being left behind again.

2. I know you think everything is going to suck forever, but it's not. I hope you can be less scared soon.

3. I want to ask you about doing some stuff we've never done, but I think you're gonna say no. But... I think about it a lot.

4. Your hair is really stupid. ~~And I want to touch it~~

5. This whole thing is really fucking weird, but we're all glad you're here. It didn't feel right without you here.

1. I'm trying so hard to believe I'm not getting left behind, I promise. I wish I could control it better.

2. I felt like maybe I'd be mad at you, but I'm not. The ridiculous crush is only part of the reason for that.

3. Don't yell at me for this, but-- I know I'm probably not the person you'd want to be stuck with, and I get it. I want to lean on you more, if that's okay.

4. I wish I didn't feel like this is going to fuck me up some more.

5. I would listen to anything you had to say. I want to be there for you.

1. I know there's something you're not telling me. I'm sure you've got your reasons, I just hope you know what you're doing.

2. I want this to work more than anything in the world, but sometimes I'm scared of what it'll look like if it doesn't.

3. I miss you. I think you were good for all of us.

4. I wish you'd told me yourself, because now I don't know how to bring it up. And I want to bring it up.

5. Maybe it's selfish to wish you were here, but this relationship has always been selfish.

1. Fuck you. I should have known better. Why can't I hate you now?

2. Suppose it's still out of the question to fool around with you now.

3. Hope you meant what you said. I can't lose anyone else right now, and I've been fucking lonely.

4. I'm reminded that girls kiss girls here.

5. I'd like to see you smile more.

1. You all right, kid? You seem all right, but I've got a feeling about these kinds of things.

2. If you showed up here, you'd make yourself at home in about five minutes flat. Don't tell anyone I said so, but I could do with that kind of optimism right about now.

3. I still don't do meetings. Or talking about feelings. But, well, if you want someone's who's been there to keep an eye on you while you figure all this out, just say the word.

4. Ye gods, I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much.

1. I'm sorry. I should've taken care of you, but I didn't.

2. How the hell was I supposed to be anything but shitty to you, when I knew— I've always known, that you didn't want me?

3. I know you tried really hard, but I wish you'd done better.

4. You can talk to me, you know?

5. Sometimes I can't believe my luck. I mean, I don't see you as this like, untouchable, perfect fantasy or anything, but you're still... you're so cool. Maybe because you're so uncool. Because you care so much, and you feel so much. Sometimes it's kind of overwhelming, but always in a really good way.

1. You're not at all like I imagined. I expected to be disappointed in you, but I'm not. I'm not impressed, either, I don't think. You're just a man.

2. I think you might be better for her, than he was. If nothing else, I hope she can learn from you.

3. I wish I could've watched her burn you to nothing.

4. I miss you both.

5. I know you don't want to hear this, but I would do it again, in a heartbeat.

1. The worst part is having to regret what we had. I wish I didn't. But at least if I'd never known what it was like to feel that way, I wouldn't have had so much to lose.

2. You would have liked it here, I think. There are so many people you would have wanted to know. I hope you never come here, though, because I wouldn't know what to say to you if you did. Because I don't think I can forgive you.

3. I don't think I can forgive you, either. I know why... you did what you did, but I think I'll always hate you, at least a little. All you've ever done is leave.

4. You're much more interesting than I would have expected.

5. I don't know why you were so kind to me. I'm not... used to that. But it meant more than I think it could say.

Me too. I mean, I, um. I love that it's with you, too.

We can still do stuff together, Richie.

Only after you do it first.

1. I will make you proud of me.

2. I hope we can be friends despite that bad beginning.

3. It's not that I have missed you - it's just that I need a challenge.

4. I know I was a terrible father and I regret it so, so much.

5. I do not know what I would do if you ever show up here.

1. I don't think I've been a very good friend to you, as of late. I'm sorry for that.

2. I'm still pissed at you for buggering off. Wherever you are, I hope you haven't mucked it up too badly. You deserve a bit of peace.

3. I miss you, and him, every day. I'll never stop.

4. I know I'll fight alongside you again, someday. I look forward to it.

5. I still can't believe things have turned out the way they have. You came out of bloody nowhere, and upended my life. Thank you for that, you ginger prick.

1. Fuck you.

2. Fuck you.

3. Listen to your aunt, because she loves you and she's got your best interest in mind, but do not let her poison you against me. She's probably not a terrible person, okay, I get that, but she's completely fucking wrong about who I am, okay?

4. You're okay, I guess.

5. And you, too. Maybe.

1. I thought I couldn't be sane without you, but I'm managing somehow. I feel like a piece of me is gone, but I hope you'd be proud of me.

2. As someone who considers you each a good friend, I'm happy you found each other...and maybe a little jealous.

3. You're not my big brother, and I'm not your little sister, but I like to think we're there for each other in a similar way somehow. I love you.

4. I'm so glad you're here. You're the only piece of home I have left.

5. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.

I know you would, but let's try to avoid it entirely, shall we?

That is something I certainly never expected, but... thank you.